I have never blogged about relationships and I've never really seen myself as a professional cos I've honestly only had two, and have been in my current relationship for the past 3 plus years. This blog post DEFINITELY isn't gonna be lovey-dovey, nor is it going to be comparing the two relationships I've had. This is just for a reminder to myself to keep my head in the game and obviously, look at the bigger picture.
So why wouldn't I give advice to other couples? Well, to be honest, unless you are a certified therapist, you shouldn't be giving any form of advice. Why do I say this? Every relationship is different. Every partner, even though you are the same person, will be different which will lead to different scenarios, different circumstances and most definitely, different personalities.
I think the difference in myself between the last relationship and the current one is definitely my maturity. I still am super "manja", but I think there's a different demand now that I am more mature. I have also learnt a lot about myself and I will continue to discover myself. My partner would have to continue to learn about me, as much as I will continue learning about my partner. In my current relationship, because we are also on the road of finding our paths in our respective careers, it can sometimes be quite frustrating. But the best part about this is, we learn more about each other, sort of at the same time. And what I like to remind myself here, is that we are not there to help solve each other's problems, but just for support. Of course, trying to help would be great, but the main deal here is to support one another. When the one you love supports what you do, that's 60% of the battle won and the frustrations gone.
To me, love isn't just about saying "I love you", but actually showing love, support, care, commitment, dedication. A relationship when you're in your teenage years, it's mostly about exploration. Learning to be responsible and accountable to and for someone. When you're my age, it's more than exploration. You don't exactly have the time. I think what took me aback was a talk that I heard by Nick Vujicic.
For those of you who know me well, I come from a family whose parents are separated and I live with my mum. My dad obviously lives with the other party. Since my first relationship, I've always been fearful of adultery because of my background. Thing is, although I wasn't cheated on technically, I would still say that I was cheated on, because three weeks after we broke up, my ex was already with someone new. But I am honestly grateful that I went through that relationship. He taught me a lot of things about relationships. Especially what NOT to do.
According to Nick, FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. This fear is a seed that will soon grow into a tree and bear fruit. I've had the fear of adultery for a very very long time. Even with my current partner. But then, Nick said something. Once the seed is planted, it will continue to grow and grow no matter how much you try to stop it. The only way is to just UPROOT the damn tree. And then, when I got a hug from him, that was when I decided that I would uproot my fear. So I did just that. I decided to take the plunge and just uproot my tree of fear. I've never been happier.
My current relationship seems a bit more on the calmer side now. Haha. Of course, my partner has been an absolute gem, helping me through so much. My insecurities and my dramas. The poor chap has suffered, I believe. So now that I've grown up (a teeny bit!), I think it's time for me to at least give this chap a smoother journey and ride it out. At the moment, we just want to enjoy our lives as single people. We know we are committed to each other, and we know that we want that future, but for now, let's just enjoy our lives. I think for me, relationships tend to be a lot easier when you remove the element of expectations. You want him to say "I love you"? Ask for it. You want him to kiss you? Ask for it. If you don't ask, you won't get and you can't get disappointed if you don't get it.
To me, and again I reiterate, this post is meant as a reminder to myself and not an "advisory" post. I am very happy in my current relationship, and as we continue to grow and learn more about each other, may we grow stronger as individuals and continue on this journey feeling more confident each day.
I love you.
Love always,
DancerGal Sheryl!
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