Self-Reflection: Self Improvement and Self Change

I was sorta flipping through the "Photos of Me" section on Facebook, and I went all the way back to 2011 and a teeny bit of 2010 (New FB account). The first thought that crossed my mind was.... "DAYUMMM GIRL! Y U SO FAT?" And then, I kinda woke up, and wondered why was that the FIRST thought that crossed my mind? Was I really that fat? 

This photo was taken back in 2011. Damn. 

At that point in time, I didn't really "see" myself as "fat". I was happy and I was eating. A Lot. I was with my family, I had good friends around me and to be honest, I didn't "see" anything wrong with myself. BOY WAS I WRONG! I was pissed every time I wanted to dress up, and realized that I couldn't because I was too fat. The other lady in the photo? She loves her clothes, and sometimes, she gives them away to us. I couldn't fit into anything that she wanted to give me, and then, I started feeling miserable. 

I was still dancing at the time, but it was getting less and less. One day, I was attending my ballet class, and the teacher mentioned that "I didn't have the stamina". I got even more miserable. I wanted to lose the weight, and I wanted to lose it BAD. Another dance competition on TV was completely out of the question because I had a job at the time, and really couldn't afford to take a 3-month leave. I got so miserable, that I started to lose my temper really easily. Here's the sick part of it all. I was still binge eating. If there was anything I'd refuse to give up, it was FOOD. 

And then, I found the Original Bootcamp programme!!! 

I found this programme thanks to a colleague of mine, who attends the same programme as well. She was fit, and I totally admired her attitude. I thought long and hard about it. Had super long conversations with SammoBammo, just to make sure that I was ready for this. Hence, I took the first step. I signed up for this programme back in November 2011. That was the day, my life changed. 

The first session, was HORRENDOUS! I had eaten too much before, and threw up during the session itself. But me being me, I refused to quit. A few people had actually told me that I wouldn't be able to make it, as it would be too tough for me. SEVEN MONTHS LATER.... Guess what my favourite part of Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays are? :) 

So, here I am, seven months later. I look back at everything I have accomplished. I was NEVER an athlete nor did I EVER consider myself an athlete. I go way back, when I could barely hold a 10 second plank. Now, I'm holding planks by the mins (well, actually I can only go 1 minute, but that's 60 seconds :P). I have found it in me to love running. I've done 3 marathons since Bootcamp (Mizuno, Brooks, and PJ Dawn), and I get this sheer joy, when I hold that finisher medal in my hands. :) 

I wouldn't consider this post "bragging", but here's how I look, right now :) 

This photo was taken during Jessica's Birthday, about 3 weeks ago

I feel damn good about myself, and the best part is? I am CONTINUING to work at it. I used to be someone who would seek "external approval". Yes, I do think I could lose some more weight and really trim up, but I know that the possibility of it happening is quite real. Before I started Bootcamp, I kept telling myself that I was scared. Then one day, SammoBammo told me this: The only person stopping you from being happy and achieving what you want, is yourself. Which was true! I was letting people and my fear of failure get to me. It took MYSELF to step out of the comfort zone, and dive into the mud (literally!). 

Original Bootcamp has really helped me with finding myself back in all this mess. The Corporals, Sergeants, and all my Bootcamp-mates have helped me literally stand back on my own two feet. Losing all the weight is one thing (although it was the main thing), but being happy was another. I was not confident with myself. I used to cry during my first few sessions because when we did partner-based workouts, I would actually feel bad for making my partner wait too long for me. But now, it's not about that. The objective of having a partner is so that he/she can motivate you and you will be encouraged to move faster and push yourself. I believe in pushing myself to my limits. I know now, that if after EACH session, if I don't feel DOMS (Delayed Onset Muscle Syndrome) within the next day, I know I haven't worked myself hard enough and I'll push myself the next day. :) 

To be honest, this post was really about me. About how I pushed myself out of the comfort zone, improved and changed myself for the better. I believe that everyone has a right to be happy, but no one is going to take the first step for you. Be bold. Be brave. You need to take that ONE step. The very first one, and believe in your heart that you can be happy. Because if you don't, you'll just never get there. 

If you are unhappy with how things are right now, MAKE A DAMN CHANGE! 

Love always, 

DancerGal Sheryl <3