November 24, 2015

The Tests of Friendship - Marriages / Weddings

After attending at least 4 weddings post-my-own-wedding, I've come to the realization that friendship is a true test of whether or not certain people deserve to be called friends in your life.

The first thing most people must be screaming is, "Simple. If they attend your wedding, then they are your friends". In actual fact, no, it's not that simple. 

A friend, in my personal opinion, is not necessarily the person who is there physically. I've come to this realization when my own best friend could not be there for my own wedding. However, what made me realize this, wasn't so much the fact that she couldn't be there. It was more of the fact that I did not kick up a fuss and when she apologized, I scolded her for apologizing to me. 

We need to be reminded that your friend also has his/her own life. If circumstances have been placed in that way, it doesn't mean that he/she does not want to attend your wedding. It's very easy to get angry or upset at them. What makes them a friend, or let me rephrase, what makes YOU a friend, is to understand their situation. Imagine the dilemma going through their heads. Being a good friend means you help to understand what is going on. If they are not giving you trouble, why are you giving them trouble? If you don't sympathize with them, my question is why don't you? 

During the process of a wedding, the bride, groom, maid of honor(s), bridesmaids, parents and if you have one, your wedding planner, are already stressed out enough. The last thing you would need from a friend is more stress. Being a true friend means not adding on the stress. During my wedding, I would call up a few friends for coffee (they need not be named because they know who they are!) to actually vent about problems and the unnecessary stress I've already been receiving. And for that, I thank you all so much. I hope I was able to de-stress some of you during your wedding prep as well, rather than contribute to the stress. 

This doesn't just apply to friendship pre-wedding. It also applies to post-wedding. Bearing in mind that upon marriage, your friend and yourself no longer are alone. We all now have an extra person (or two, or three) in our lives now. If you honestly treasure your friendship, you can no longer view it as a two-person friendship. Every newlywed couple has to start learning how to live with one another, especially couples who are living with their in laws. Regardless of how you look at it, there's always some form of stress that comes along with it. As a true friend, would you really want to contribute to that?

To be honest, in my opinion, in times of weddings and marriages, do you really see who cares for you and who deserves to be called a true friend. Someone who loves you, someone who truly treasures your friendship.

A true friend never demands attention from you, but seeks to help behind-the-scenes. A true friend does not need to show your friendship to the world, but seeks to remind you of their value to you and you alone. A true friend does not need validation from you, but seeks to remind you of your own self-worth.

At the end of the day, to me personally, friendship is a relationship. You can drift apart, you can break up, you can realize that the friend that you have isn't the one you want. It takes work, effort and time. If you realize a certain friend isn't the right one for you, it's time to rethink your friendship.

And just like a relationship, there are times when you will have to break it up.

Friendship is one topic that is very subjective and personal. I am not here to give friendship advice. I am just merely giving my thoughts on what I have gone through myself personally. To the friends who have stuck by me, I thank you. To the friends who did not make the cut, I hold no grudges and wish you all the best. At the end of the day, our own happiness matters. I'm glad I found my friends.

Love always,
Puan Sheryl Ho. 

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